Awakening sense

into left field

Some spiritual seeking can lead one out into left field,
Into ever-new versions of doubt and confusion.

One feels crushed as ego-mind gets the upper hand,
Spinning one's wheels with no real change.

Fortunately we can retrace our steps to that special place,
Where true recognition of Self, of the Beloved, was first beheld.

There, where divine activity eats away at the false of ourselves,
Where we can invite even more of the Beloved's pleasure.

feeling the loss

If there's an ever active dissolution of what's false,
Does it create a feeling of loss or gain?

And how can I know know anything of this,
When I myself keep coming and going?

For when caught in mind's revolving door,
We're distracted from awakening's ever-present push and pull.

Could all this be an outcome of the Beloved's radiance,
A perfume drawing us despite ourselves?

what's missing?

Placement of hurdles is ego-mind's specialty,
One after another obstructing heart's innermost drive.

Aspiration to awaken can seem easily overshadowed,
Overwhelmed by a barrage of questioning doubts.

Yet one confusion can override all others,
Is the Beloved absent, or is it self absenting itself?

Whatever  the case, why not put either absence to work,
Knowing full well that heart's fire flourishes in an empty mind?

what's the choice?

Do you see (spiritual) surrender as an act of choice or is it something that just spontaneously happens?

I don't see it as a choice or decision, not even an intention, although these may all be good starting points that predispose a lightning strike from grace's realms.

Predisposing means encouraging a meeting point of sorts?

Maybe that's what the phrase 'wearing your heart on your sleeve' indicates; a meeting at the point that higher spiritual influences touch us.

Instead of an ego-mind shell that deflects or ignores these influences, creating a 'water off of a duck's back' effect, to coin another phrase.

Right, then there's opportunity lost, no real contact. But if incoming grace is met at the door its influence can be carried to the core of our conditioned mind, can lighten its load, can subvert its tyrannies.