What if efforts toward preparing for awakening keep getting hijacked by an overbearing ego-mind with the only outcome being discouragement?
Then you eventually get fed up and quit. You may feel it’s a losing proposition, that it’s not for you or that it’s an imaginary venture.
So then that’s it.
Then better luck next time from a better starting point of understanding and sincerity. On the other hand, you may re-set now and go deeper, continuing no matter what with a stronger determination; better luck this time around.
And what sparks that kind of determination?
Often bottom of the barrel kinds of experience, a kind of fatigue with mind’s ploys to sustain itself, a kind of disgust with one’s self-absorption and finally a true yearning for wholeheartedness.